Dating Tips for Guys

There are a lot of new venues coming out that can be used to meet women online.  Myspace was popular for a while, but then the spammers started hitting it and all the commercial crap - and pretty soon Myspace became a feeding frenzy - and meeting women online became a LOT harder.

But then Facebook came along - and did a MUCH better job of keeping out the internet mongers.   Thus it has become a reliable venue for meeting women online and can really breathe some life back into your dating life.  The thing is - you gotta know HOW to market yourself on Facebook so you don’t look like some jackass from Myspace who just got a new playground.

Here are four simple steps you can follow to begin to open the floodgates.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys - and other women - who have a lot of cute girl friends.  You have to be circumspect at the beginning, or you really could accused of spamming and kicked out.  So root out the people who have big networks - and become their friends.  Remember - in this case - friends FIRST!

Next - start trying to connect with the women you are interested in a very roundabout manner.  Send them a friend request with a message.  Now, if you send a message that says, “Hey baby you are HOT - wanna hook up?”  She is going to kick you right in your cyber-nuts and block you.  Instead - find something about her that you have in common, and find a person that you are both friends with.  Instead, say something like “Hey I saw you on Michael’s friend list and I noticed that you love to read too.  Have you ever read The Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman?”  Make sure it’s a question, too, so she feels compelled to answer you.

STEP 3: Start using the tools that Facebook offers.  If you are meeting women online, you have got to at least use the Group tool.  If you want to start doing that - check out the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” - it is a totally cool way tyo get together with other MEN and discuss the latest dating tips for men on the internet. 

Anyway - create a group that is something that women would like too.  Ok- so no Fantasy Baseball League Group.  Instead try something about maybe coffee or cooking, fitness, the latest reality show or local venues.  Something a woman can get into.  Then - invite her to your group!

The last step is where you really start getting into the good stuff.  Here is where you begin to take your Group offline - have a party at a local bar, or set up a group outing.  THIS is where you can start really meeting the women.  Have a wine appreciation group?  Go to wine tasting.  Have a gourmet food group?  Check out a new restaurant.  Get the drift, Kimosabe?

Ok - so this is some pretty basic stuff, but it can really liven up your dating life.  If you want to REALLY learn some tips and tricks for meeting women online, check out David Deangelo’s program called, coincidentally enough, Meeting Women Online.    Or - if you want to read some REALLY cool dating tips for men by Carlos Xuma (mentioned above - and you can actually hook up with him on Facebook.  Talk about a NETWORK!) check out his Dating Black Book of dating tips. 

Remember, Tease to Please works because it short-circuits her usual defense mechanisms to meeting ’strange’ men. You see, every woman comes with her factory-installed defense mechanism against meeting new guys. When a guy approaches her, for any reason, she assumes you’re picking up on her. It’s what she’s gotten used to. All women are by now, and they all have a standard routine of being a little stand-offish to you until you bust past this barrier.

Let’s continue:

Remember when you were just an eight-year-old kid on the playground? There were all these ’strange’ creatures playing around the sandbox. They were called girls, and they seemed so bizarre and foreign to you. They were delicate and interesting in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, but you knew that they were different.

How do kids treat those that are different? They tease them.

“Mary, Mary, she’s so hairy!”
“Where’d you get that backpack? Looks like a hunchback!”
“Jenny’s got a CARROT top!”

Boys teased girls. Girls teased boys. Everyone made fun of everyone else. It was sandlot politics at its best, and you learned very quickly that you had to develop a callus to the teasing, or you’d get bruised pretty badly. (Some kids never adjusted, and grew up with their own sandbox issues.)

Ah, what fun those days were.
Well, sort of.

We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held for many of us. (Hey, whether or not you like it, we’re a lot closer to those kids in the playground than the adults you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)

I’ll be willing to bet you that you teased more girls because you liked them than you did because of any genuine weirdness. Sure, there’s some cruelty, but the first social interaction most boys have with girls is when they teased them mercilessly. And what happened? The girls stuck up for themselves. They teased back. And they didn’t realize it at the time, but this set in motion a whole pattern of behavior that led to them being very interested and attracted when they are CHALLENGED.

That’s right, boys. Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a girl. No confidence = no attraction from her.

Tease to Please is a simple strategy. By teasing, you emulate a lot of the self-confidence you need to demonstrate with a woman. That’s really the secret in a nutshell. Call it what you want, Cocky and funny, confident and humorous, Tease to Please. You are showing her you have the balls to not roll over and pant like a whipped dog every time a woman comes near you.

Here’s how you do it:
When we left off, you’d just delivered your introduction. Now you are in a position to continue the conversation as you see fit. You’ve disarmed her natural defenses and opened up your opportunity to engage her attraction mechanism. You do this through Teasing.

Here’s one of the examples we used last time:

Example: She’s got bright red shoes on.

YOU: “Wow, those are … interesting shoes. My sister might like a pair like that. Where’d you get them…?”
HER: “Oh, these? Uhm, I got them at Macy’s. They’re really old. I was looking to get a new pair.”
YOU: “Well, my sister is pretty young, but she’d like that style. For an OLD lady … (PAUSE) … you’re a pretty sharp dresser.” You give her a SLIGHT smile that says “That was a joke.”

Remember, “sister” can be changed to aunt, or cousin, or whatever. You can use my standard response I gave you for now, but you’ll do better if you learn how to think on your feet and come up with more personal and customized versions. There are a whole host of teasing responses. Here are some others (delivered with that sly smile):

“Well, with heels that high, you better watch out for awnings. And low-flying planes.”
“How many feet have you crushed with those things? I’m wearing steel-toes, so don’t try it on me.”

Let’s say it’s about a ring she’s wearing:
“Well, my sister likes those ‘groovy’ rings, too. Do you have a mood ring? I bet you were the kind of girl to wear one of those. Was it blue all the time? You look like you have cold hands.”
“My sister likes toe rings like that. Do you wear them on your toes, too? Just don’t tell me you have a weird piercing, like your butt-cheek. That would just be TOO freaky.”
“Wow, that thing is HUGE. I bet you have to leave it off when you go swimming, huh? Or else you’d sink right to the bottom.”

It goes on and on. In fact, you could sit down and just think up a handful of these for a few different items of clothing (shoes, purse, jacket) and/or jewelry and be set for almost ANY encounter.

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you can now control your meetings and increase your ratios?
No, no, please, hold your applause…

Remember: Don’t be insulting. Be TEASING. Teasing is done with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor. You kid with her. If you make fun of her in a mean or malicious way, you’re out. If you don’t let her know you’re kidding, you’re out.

The point of all this is to:
A) Get her laughing
B) Challenge her (by demonstrating Self-confidence and that you’re DIFFERENT.)

After you joke with her a little, make a decision if this is a woman you might be interested in. If so, you smile and start to walk away. Then, turn right back and TELL her (don’t ask):

“Hey, you know, we might like to continue this conversation sometime. Write down your number for me.” (Memorize this phrasing to use.)

An alternate approach: “Hey, you know, I might like to continue this conversation sometime. Write down your email address for me.”

If she says she doesn’t have a pen, you DO, and hand it to her. If she says she doesn’t have email, tease her some more: “No email? You didn’t just get off a desert island did you?” Smile. “Here, just give me your home phone.” (As she starts writing): “Uhm, your REAL number. I’m just going to call you as soon as I get home and leave a dozen annoying messages on your answering machine.” Smile. Take her number and leave. Don’t tell her you’ll call. Leave her wondering.

That’s it. You disarm her defenses by keeping a sense of humor. You show self confidence and challenge her by teasing a little. Then you ask for what you want, and then you leave. You’re a busy guy, with a busy schedule of too many women to meet.

This completes your education on the Tease to Please approach. Now, as I said before, for such an invaluable and easy to use technique (given to you FREE, I’ll add) the least you can do is to start putting it to use. I want to hear from guys who go out and start getting some action from the use of this.

‘Cause I’ll guarantee you one thing: You will get more responsiveness from women with this simple approach than ANY other tactic. More response = more practice. More practice = more dates. More dates = more sex. Or more relationships, or whatever it is you want. It all starts here.

Get more women in your life. THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Let’s hear from those out there who are ready to stop doing what doesn’t work and start learning to improve your odds. Write to me. Tell me what you did and how it worked. (But remember, if all you’re going to do is try to shoot holes at it without having tried, I’m going to cut you to shreds… This stuff WORKS.   Can’t wait?  Check it out now : CLICK HERE!

If you meet more women, you get more experience, you get more confidence, you get laid more, and more options open up to you. If you date only a few women, you tend to cling on to each as if she was your saving grace.

So let’s start developing some EXERCISES that will get you on the track to understanding how to meet women at any time and any place. All you need to do is open your eyes and set aside a couple minutes to speak with her, if that. This is going to work ANYWHERE you see a woman, and it doesn’t require you to memorize a list if openers, scenarios or anything else.

Teasing a woman, (like using David Deangelo’s Cocky Comedy) works because it short-circuits her usual reserve about talking to or meeting guys she does not know.  Most women have this “wall” and don’t even know it - it seems to be pre-programmed from birth. Then, when a guy approaches her, for any reason, she assumes you’re picking up on her. It’s what she’s gotten used to.

You have 3 seconds from seeing a girl to when you meet her and say something to spike her interest. If you wait - she has time to turn away, move herself, do anything she can to escape from the uncomfortable situation of being hit on again.  

In that 3 seconds, you do this:

Look her over, and spot something about her appearance that you can comment on. Start with her shoes, and work your way up. DO NOT choose a physical body trait (like big earlobes, bubble-butt, giant breasts) to comment on. Especially not her overall attractiveness.

You find ONE thing that you can key off of and say something about that will give you and inroad. This is your ANCHOR. Once you’ve found it, you comment on it to her and smile at her, making strong eye contact.

Example: She’s got bright red shoes on. “Wow, those are … interesting shoes. My sister might like a pair like that. Where’d you get them…?”

Example: She’s got a black denim dress on. “My sister likes dresses like that. Where’d you get it…?”

(If you don’t have a sister, use ‘Aunt’ or ‘Cousin.’ You shouldn’t have to lie.)

She’ll say something like, “Oh, I got it at Macy’s” or something like that. You then nod your head and look at it for a second, as if you can’t make up your mind about it. At no time do you ever throw out the usual nauseating male flattery approaches, like “Oh, that dress goes so PERFECTLY with your cheekbones.” (There is a time and a place for flattery, and it’s NOT in an improvised meeting like this.)

Flattery is the scream for approval of the desperate guy. It’s like cotton candy - sweet for a split second, but disappears almost immediately. You want to dangle the PROMISE in front of her first.

You *almost* convey a look of inconvenience, that you went out of your way to comment on her alligator-skin shoes, or her denim skirt. The less she thinks you approached her out of sexual interest, the lower her guard is.

Don’t be insulting! Just be mysterious and ambiguous.

(Her next mental question is: “Gee, I wonder if he likes my dress? He didn’t say.” )

From here, you will bridge into the Tease portion of the conversation, and we’ll cover that in the next post. All there really is left to do is to keep her engaged in the conversation for just a minute or two, show some confidence, and walk away with her phone number.

Now, the typical question I get is “What if there’s nothing out of the ordinary about her?”

Simple: You make something up. There is ALWAYS something you can find when you look, and if it’s not readily apparent, you make it up. If she’s got clothes on you can find something to pick out. I recommend looking for jewelry, because every woman takes a lot of thought in selecting her jewelry.

For especially attractive women, you need to come on a bit differently, and it pays to use a combination of the negative-hit with this. I even recommend that when you get used to this technique, you use it exclusively on the hotties. When you’re comfortable with it, it makes more impact.

You say just one thing, and it’s so easy you’ll have a tough time forgetting it:

“Your dress/shoes/blouse/jacket/purse (whatever) caught my eye. I like the style, but I think you should try it in black, instead. You’d look better with it in black instead of gray.” (Choose the color accordingly.) You nod your head, again meeting her eyes full-on.

Her head will suddenly spin … “But… but… all the other guys said I looked like a fashion model with this on… What do you mean?”

By using these approaches, you’ve just flipped her trust switch in her head. You see, she starts out needing to find a reason to be interested and trust YOU - or she quickly categorizes you as a friend (FRIEND = non-lover, a woman you won’t be able to sleep with). If you just start talking to her neutrally, she’s wondering, “Is he safe?” For all she knows, you’re a nut-case looking to pull her into a multi-level marketing scheme. NOW, all of a sudden, she is suddenly told (by your words and actions) that you might not be so interested. You’re different - i.e., INTERESTING to her.

For the first week or so, if you’re feeling a bit nervous about approaching women, work your way into this slowly. Just use the intro line I gave you, and take it wherever you need. Hell, I’d even recommend you ONLY ask her the first part (”Where’d you get xxxx, my sister might like that …”), then say “thanks” and walk away. Get used to just chatting up anyone and everyone you meet. Take the pressure off for the first week or two, until you get used to the fact that WOMEN AREN’T GOING TO REJECT YOU LIKE YOU THINK THEY WILL.

You don’t need anything fancy or clever. You don’t need anything special to comment on. You just take WHATEVER she is wearing or holding and comment on it AS IF IT WERE different or interesting. Then, by virtue of following it up with a quick tease, you get her mind off her initial defense (IS HE SAFE?) and on to validating herself a little to you. This is the primary psychological underpinning of the whole “TEASE TO PLEASE” method. And I just gave it to you in a simple, workable format.

What most guys will do is to spend all their energy trying to climb over her initial trust hurdle, when they really need to focus on getting her to flip that switch in her head by making HER the one to present herself to you. (This will be more apparent when I explain the Tease portion in our next installment.)

Most guys will take any approach and shoot it down and find everything they can about what’s WRONG with it before they will go out and use it and make it work. My advice to you is to prove it won’t before you even think about coming back to me with a rebuttal. I know that I’ll get scads of letters asking me what to do in X situation or Y situation, because they’re ‘different’ somehow, but it makes NO difference. You only have to spot one anchor on her to comment about. I use it all the time, and it is very effective.

Just remember to keep things light and humorous, and never to insult.

ANYTHING can work, if you just use it in the right way. I just gave you the first half of a technique that works ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. On ANY woman. The best part about it is that it is simple, universal, and effective. All you have to do is to find your target, find an anchor, and start your Tease … (but only to please…)

In the next post, I will cover more tips for approaching women by Carlos Xuma.  I will cover many other focused approaches that you can use as well, from meeting her online, or at a dance class, or at a bookstore, or even Wal-Mart. You’ll also get the complete breakdown of the psychology to the close for the phone number. I’ll tell you where and when to use flattery, and how to mine the rich ore of women you see every day. There’s nothing you won’t know about meeting ANY woman ANYtime, ANYwhere. (I’ll even tell you what the single underlying reason is for a woman’s defense for all men that approach her, and how to bypass it.)

Now, get out there and start getting in the game. You play it from the comfort of the stands.

Stay tuned! It’s going to get good…
I’ll have the last half of this method to you soon.

Check out The Power to Attract Any Woman … Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Conversation & Persuasion

Gambling can be fun at times – playing Poker, betting on horses or football games or even in physical situations like skiing.  Most men, however, don’t particularly like to gamble when it comes to approaching women.  I mean, it’s easier to lose a few bucks to a pal than to lose face when a woman rejects you, right?

Naturally, this leads to guys wanting to figure out a way to meet women that involves no risk.  Well, you can always have your buddies pre-screen every woman you want to walk up to and say hi.  They could interview her!  “Hey – my friend over there wants to know if you are interested in him.”  OR – you could do like I did the first time I ever wanted to ask a girl out.  I sent her a note that said, “Will you be my girlfriend?  Check one.  Yes   No”. 

Give me a break, it was 6th grade!

Ok, so maybe those ideas aren’t so great.  In fact, they are downright wussie.  It’s easy to see that, though, when you are reading it in black and white.

My point is, there is no way to meet a woman without taking some risks.  Trying to do so creates a mentality of “average-ness”.  Being average is NOT attractive to women.  Women want a guy who can create attraction for them, and that means being a strong, confident, powerful man comfortable in your own skin.

There are two things you can do to minimize the impact of rejection.  One thing is to use a little Cocky Comedy.  The other thing is to not take rejection so seriously.

Cocky Comedy is a technique for meeting women developed by David Deangelo.   What is it?  Cocky Comedy is technique for meeting women that uses humor that not only elevates attraction but establishes you as the alpha male.  What you do is you start busting on her from the minute you meet.  Joke with her, bust on her, keep her on her toes – and this will create attraction for her.

For example, tell her that you noticed she is nursing that drink like a 2 day old baby.  Or tell her she is going to have to work harder than that to get your attention.  Bust on her clothes, her height (NEVER HER WEIGHT!!!) her shoes, her laugh – whatever comes to mind.  Make it witty.  And after that, you give her a sign using body language that shows her you are interested in her. 

So you get it?  You bust on her verbally – then with your body language tell her you are attracted to her.  It works like a charm. 

Now – there is always risk involved.  What if you go too far and piss her off?  It’s the end of the world!!  Or not.  I, personally, choose the “not” option.  Remember – YOU are TOTALLY in charge of how things affect you.  Does it bruise my ego when a hot woman rejects me?  No – because I CHOOSE to move on and not even think about it again, because it does not matter.  She was probably a freak anyway!

Anyway – for more information on meeting women, click here!

For most of us, one of the crappiest things that can happen is when you finally get a date with a really HOT woman, and then she cancels on you right as you are getting in the shower to get ready for the big event.  That sucks sweaty socks.  But it’s a fact of life.

So is there anything you can DO about it?  Well, as a matter of fact, there is.  The thing is, most guys don’t know this, and this is one of the FUNDAMENTALS of dating advice - how to AVOID the flake!  So let’s talk about how.

One of the first things that you can do in order to avoid a woman flaking out on you is to tell her point blank that you HATE it when people do that.  When you are setting up your date with her, whether it be a lunch date, coffee date or a genuine Friday night out, tell her, “Now listen, I REALLY hate it when people flake out on me, so I only want to make plans with you if you are CERTAIN you are going to be there.”

Many men are too intimidated to say something like that.  Or they think it is giving the woman an “out” and that if given a chance to run, she will take it. And it might happen.  BUT - I would SO much rather have a girl flake on me at that stage than right before the date, wouldn’t you?

The thing is, when you say this to a woman, you are telling her that your time is VALUABLE.  It shows her that your TIME is more important to you than meeting her, which tells her in turn that your status is possibly a little higher than hers is.

So then, on the day of the date, if a woman actually calls you and DOES flake on you - now is the time to use a little “Cocky Comedy” on her.  Tell her, “Well thanks a lot for the NOTICE!  When are you going to make this up to me?”

So here you have a great chance to bust her balls a little bit.  Keep in mind, though, using Cocky Comedy, you have to keep it light enough to NOT let her think you are hurt in any way, or you will lower your Alpha-Male status in her eyes, which is a killer for attraction.

David Deangelo has also mentioned that one way to keep a girl from flaking on you is to flake on HER first.  For some reason, this works like a CHARM for him.  It builds anticipation for the woman, letting her know that you are interested in her (because you set up a second meeting right then on the phone, but it makes her WAIT for it a little longer).

Most of the time, your problems with women are created because of your own WUSSY behavior.  I mean, you are never going to get to the point where you NEVER have trouble again.  You may as well say that it’s never going to rain again.  But you CAN get to the point where you are on the ball and actually preventing most of the problems before they happen!