Creating a New Relationship After Divorce

Does your partner’s ex linger on in your romantic life? When it comes to recent divorce and former spouses, watch out for these red flags.

When divorces happen — and they really happen frequently these days — pain and complications can carry into future Relationship.

Frankly, any relationship in which an ex-wife or ex-husband is still in the picture (because of proximity, child custody, or financial entanglements) is a landmine that must be navigated cautiously. With so many remarriages occurring, the “ex” issue affects many, many people. While it’s difficult to speak generally about an issue that is specific and unique to every situation, let us offer a few tips:

Find out if your partner (or you) has emotional baggage related to a divorce.

Some divorced persons are able to work through the pain and get on with their lives relatively quickly. Other people may stay mired in regret and anger for years. If you are dating someone who keeps talking about the former spouse, this is a clear indication that the person has lingering issues to work through. If you notice old photos and mementos around, this could also be a sign that the individual has not let go of their ex.

Be sure the past is in the past and the future Relationship is as clear and uncluttered as possible.

Forming new relationships is difficult enough without old relationships getting in the way. However, a prior marriage is a significant part of your one’s history. You should try to deal with every last emotional and practical issue related to a previous marriage long before getting seriously involved with someone new. Because divorces are usually extremely painful, many people want to avoid delicate concerns. They may leave paperwork or financial issues unsettled, and they may have unresolved problems with the former spouse. To give a new relationship the best chance of blossoming, you need to start with the slate as clean as possible.

Wait the correct amount of time before getting into new relationships.

So exactly what is an adequate amount of time? Most people require two years to emotionally work through a divorce (or death of a spouse) and should not pursue a serious relationship until that period has ended. A good test: If you spend 10 percent of your waking hours dreaming about your ex-spouse, you are not ready for a new relationship.

Don’t kid yourself! You want your next Relationship to be a great one, so do not minimize any hanging feelings you have. Work them through thoroughly before becoming involved with someone else.